Wise words from my Daddy.

A poem from my parents for my 21st birthday a few years back. Reading this back is a perfect way to end off the year remembering the people and family that matter, living for the moments and the memories and always making the most out of everything while smiling the whole way through.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Christmas and a wonderful New Years. May next year bring you good fortune, more rose and adventures that will blow your mind!

Til next year

Stu xxx

NEVER & ALWAYS

SAMMI

NEVER LOOSE YOUR WONDERFUL SMILE

ALWAYS STOP AT RED LIGHTS

NEVER TAKE WHAT YOU HAVE FOR GRANTED

AND ALWAYS HIT FIRST IN A FIGHT

ALWAYS BE YOUR UPBEAT SELF

DON’T PANDER TO NEGATIVE THOUGHT

STEER CLEAR OF THOSE ASSHOLES WHO WALLOW IN PITY

‘CAUSE LIFE IS JUST WAY TOO SHORT

ALWAYS PUT TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE

ALWAYS CLOSE THE TOILET DOOR

UNDERSTAND THAT RELIGIONS ARE PASSIONATE THINGS

THAT OFTEN END UP IN A WAR

ALWAYS BE WEARY OF GREENER PASTURES

NEVER BE FOOLED BY GLITZ

HARD WORK, SAID MY MUM, NEVER HURT ANYONE

AND LETS FACE IT, TO BE POOR IS THE PITS

NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS OR FOR CHEAP CHAMPAGNE

‘CAUSE LIFE SHOULD BE LIVED WITH A PASSION

BE SURE TO INVEST IN A DECENT BRA

‘CAUSE CLEVAGE IS ALWAYS IN FASHION

RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO THINK THAT YOU’RE FAMOUS

THAT VICTORIES ARE YOURS ALONE

‘CAUSE JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU’RE THE SHIZZ OF THE SHIZZ

THINGS OFTEN COME TUMBLING DOWN

DON’T TRAVEL TO COUNTRIES THAT HATE ONE ANOTHER

STAY FAR AWAY FROM ARMIES

AND NEVER SET OUT ON A LONG CAR TRIP

WITHOUT MUM’S BACON SARMIES

NEVER TAKE SLEEPING PILLS AND LAXATIVES TOGETHER

ALWAYS WEAR DIFFERENT SOCKS

NEVER FART AT THE START OF A JOB INTERVIEW

AND TEQUILA FOR BREAKFAST JUST ROCKS

NEVER LET YOUR CHILDREN PAT A HORSE

OR ENTER A LOCAL GYMKHANA

IT’S A SURE-FIRE OF BECOMING POOR

AND CREATING A LIFETIME OF DRAMA

ALWAYS LISTEN WITH AN OPEN MIND

NEVER TALK WITH A MOUTHFUL OF FOOD

ALWAYS TRY TO FIND SOMEONES BETTER SIDE

AND REMEMBER THAT BURPING IS RUDE

NEVER GET DRAWN TO A RUMOUR

ALWAYS THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

NEVER BELIEVE YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

ALWAYS LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP

NEVER RAISE YOUR VOICE TO MAKE A POINT

IT’S BETTER TO MAKE IT SOFTLY

REMEMBER THAT DRUGS ARE AGAINST THE LAW

AND TO SMOKE IN YOUR CAR CAN BE COSTLY

NEVER THROW YOUR NAME AGAINST THE WALL

REMEMBER IT’S OUR NAME TOO

BUT LIFE IS FOR LIVING SO WHAT THE HELL

JUST APOLOGISE WHEN YOU DO

NEVER FORGET YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

THINK FONDLY ON ALL YOU HAVE DONE

‘CAUSE EVEN THOUGH LIFE HAS BEEN FAB SO FAR

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

EMBRACE THE SLEAZE!

When you think of flying with “Easy Jet” or as its more commonly known ‘Sleazy Jet” the words dependable, reliable or good don’t necessarily come to mind do they? So when I saw a flight to Paris for an absolute steal that I couldn’t turn down I was beyond nervous as to how it would turn out. Would the plane even get to Paris, and would I be charged per mile due to the flight being so cheap.

With all the horrific reviews in mind I thought it’s too cheap to turn away so no matter what happens it will be worth it. Even their website advises you to arrive two hours earlier instead of one hour for domestic flights which is a worry in itself. But to be honest that first flight was the most nerve racking just waiting for something to go wrong – and it didn’t. In fact the entire process from printing out both my boarding cards in advance, to checking in to flying and getting there on time and even before time went swimmingly, it definitely surpassed all my expectations – even though those were just the basic levels of service but still an achievement in itself.

It got me thinking how do they then get away from the term ‘Sleazy Jet’? You ask anyone who knows about cheap airlines and they mention ‘Sleazy Jet’ without fail. Quite a stigma to have, so I thought the only way to keep marketing themselves favourably would be to embrace it, maybe even make that your slogan “Embracing the Sleaze”. Use the ‘sleaze’ to your advantage, dress your cabin crew in some fashionable sleaze, make your ‘how to put on your seat belt’ spiel a bit sleazy. Play it to your advantage and that way when you don’t deliver its just because your ‘Sleazy-Jet’.

So it’s up to you Easy-Jet…Embrace the Sleaze. But you definitely deserve a shout out for my seamless trip to Paris last week. Well done! !

From Paris with Love

"Aaah, Paris". I think that’s possibly the best way to describe such a beautiful and unique city. It was my third time back [spoilt I know] and this time with the man I love so it had the ‘Aw’ factor more so than not, but it truly was just fabulous.

As you know me by now historical things, museums and touristy spots are not my thing and to be honest I’m proud to say that even after three visits to the beautiful city of Paris I still haven’t hit one museum. I may sound culturally challenged but in Paris there is simply no need to do all that, culture, art and history are on every wall, around every corner, over every bridge and in all the bars.

Every morning while sitting down at breakfast [four day old baguette and some jam] at our hostel we would pick a spot to start at on the tube map and then wonder our way back home. We walked and walked and walked, obviously in between every little ‘walk’ was a little ‘rose’ as well so looked more like this –

Walk – “Rose” – Walk – “Rose” - Walk– “Rose” - Walk– “Rose” - Walk– “Rose”. 

And for non-tourists we managed to do most of it, wondered through Notre-Dame [simply because it was free], took some fabulous snaps of Le Tour Eiffel, ate a D-Lish-Us crepe up in Montmarte and even got offered hashish and cocaine in the red light district – due to his poor accent Dom thought he was offering us Shish kebabs and got very excited about those instead J. We shopped all along the Champs Elysees and got touristy by L’Arc de Triomphe and all the time making sure lunch, our afternoon snack, and dinner were heavily populated by rose. It would be a valid statement to say we basically drank and ate our way through Paris. Somehow the rose tasted even better while people watching in Saint Germaine.

The lock bridge

Not being ‘officially’ employed currently we decided to stay at a hostel to save as hotels and flats in Paris are completely out of most peoples budgets I think. However cheap this hostel was it made up for it by being weird. First rule of the hostel was no over 30’s as it was a ‘youth’ hostel never mind the 70 year old lady passed out at breakfast every morning and the definitely over 40 group of men looking for some hostel lovin [aaah hostels]. The next rule being even though you paid for your room you are not allowed in it from 11am to 3pm - at all. Their reasoning was for cleaning purposed but we all know they just walk down the halls dashing some bleach everywhere for the smell. Last of their bizarre rules was no showering after 9:30pm, now we were only strolling in a bit woozy and in need of a shower after mid night and were not allowed to shower. I think its safe to say hostels are not what they used to be or perhaps I have completely out-grown them. Sad hey!

Taking 'AVANT' down the Champs Elysees

I thought after my lovely time in Paris I would give you a few short points of advice if you ever happen to find yourself confronted with an unbelievably cheap ticket to Paris on the net.

1.     Found a cheap ticket? GO.

2.     The metro is easy, its like a real life sized game of snakes and ladders.

3.     Buy yourself the ’10 ticket’ deal its much cheaper and lasts for days, don’t be fooled into the day passes for 3 to 5 zones – a rip off.

4.     Don’t go to the Louvre – the outside is way more beautiful and there are no queues or disappointing small paintings of almost smiling woman at the end.

5.     Do what’s free – Paris has so much to offer that doesn’t cost you a fortune; Picnics in all the parks, rollerblading on Friday nights around the city, Notre-dame, look out for the hidden street art, daily live music in the streets and dancers at most corners. 

6.     Buy a lock and engrave on it and lock it to the ‘Lock bridge’ just out the back side of the Louvre – if anything its amazing to see.

7.     The Parisians seem to be working on the temper control as we only had two horrible waiters, but just ignore them and have another glass of rose. Everyone is great after a few glasses.

8.     Look at renting apartments and flats rather than hotels – so much cheaper and you can have your own meals as well.

www.housetrip.com

9.     Comfy shoes are one thing – but they must look good dammit. No more ‘sneans’ [Jeans and sneakers] in Paris it really is just frowned upon.

10. Lastly – prepare to spend a lot of money. But Paris is worth every penny.

So no matter the weather, Paris will not disappoint you.

Till next time Paris … Gros Bisous Xxx

Street art - you just have to open your eyes.

  

The path less travelled

It may not always be the best path but it sure will be fun along the way...guaranteed!

The grass is not always greener!

T.I.A - THIS is Africa

I know we all complain about the ‘bad’ in SA, the crime rate is through the roof, corruption is more common than aids it seems and a general sense of ‘get out before we turn into Zim’. I was always one who silently agreed [never much for a heated debate about important stuff but get me started on the debate whether rose needs ice or not, phew, ill be there for days] but it unfortunately takes one to leave the country to realise how good we actually have it. The grass isn’t greener on the side…in fact there isn’t any grass at all. Fine the crime and corruption are points that weigh heavily on our hearts and rightfully so but its time everyone started to see the good in whatever or where ever you are.

I left SA thinking that ‘sure I love my country but I know there is better out there’, and let me tell you it’s been hard to find something that compares. I have been in and out of France, Italy and Monaco for almost two years and without doubt they have issues too. Ok people aren’t getting raped or murdered daily but drug crimes here are rife, vandalism from the ‘Frashy’ [test to see who has read my previous blogs – directly translated into French – Trash, as in those horrible Adidas tracksuit wearing kids], these ‘Frashy’ idiots will sit in a queue for the bus to school, to school, while smoking. On the train they will smoke weed and offer it to other passengers as obviously when you’re in school your way too cool [Ok I was but these kids have fallen short].

Our public transport system may need a bit more of a push to get going properly but the trains and buses here probably go only 25% of the time. They strike more than the miners do. Sometimes its just because it’s a Monday and that’s just too much to ask to work on a Monday, I mean really?

When I look at the smaller things such as service in SA, we blow every country I have been to out of the water. I know I have complained about service back home but everyone needs to up their game now and then but every country I have been to looks at service the same way they look upon work ethic, morals and personal growth -  not bothered!!!

SPUR!!!! No who wouldn't LOVE Spur and their fabulous Hot rocks!

Even looking at the basics such as food back home - you have no idea how spoilt we are, not necessarily South African style cooking (bar the braai) but we are spoilt for choice. I remember being asked what I felt like eating; Chinese, Thai, Italian, Mexican, Pub grub etc but everywhere else has its basic two page menu that they are given by the restaurant god and they are NOT to stray from it. Even the countries who have a BBQ don’t do it right, I remember the hours of chatting around the braai holding your hand above it to see if the boerie would burn or not, yes it took hours…and so it should, not the electric quick braai, where is the experience in that? We take all that for granted.

I am not saying South Africa is the best place in the world but what I am saying is stop being so damn negative about everything. Every day I live away from home I am more grateful for the way I was brought up, the food we have, the lifestyles we live, the people I know and the list goes on and on. The world revolves around the negative so there is no point to dwell on it further, pick out the amazing, the wonderful, the good, even the ok. I guess if the grass isn’t green on your side… go buy some of that instant grass, put a braai on it with a cooler box filled with rose.

Sometimes you don't even need grass

Proudly South African – Stu [PSAS for all those too cool abbreviators out there], and pining for some biltong, a crème soda and some damn Nik Naks!

Cape Town - On a beach in Betty's Bay with some wonderful people!

Never waste a stop-over!

Evidence we went to Norway.

Don’t let a stop over pass you by without investigating your options. I’m genuinely a nervous flyer in terms of being on time and do not like to leave it late at all. I’m the girl who is there first in the queue an hour earlier than recommended. Don’t judge me, it’s because of this very reason I get away with too much luggage, the best seats available or even the odd upgrade. But when you’re given your flight and it has two stop over’s in Norway I can’t tell you the smile on my face!

As you know I’m attempting to visit every country in the world as part of my bucket list and due to this rather costly point on the list you cant expect to spend countless day in each place – you have to be brutal, it’s a cut throat system unfortunately. So there we were for 9 hours in Norway. TICK!

We met a lovely lady who told us the exchange rate [27krone to €1] and we were stoked, not only were we ticking off Norway but doing it cheaply. A quick taxi ride to the town centre for some lunch where they offered us whale steak – now I know I’m no veggie but I just cant bring myself to eat something so wonderful.

Then took a stroll through the small town, which was quite pretty. It was however freezing so we took refuge in a museum. Now I know what you’re thinking – ‘you don’t do museums’ and I don’t. But it was cheap and in the warmth. Paid our money and then ventured into what we assumed was a whale museum. Unfortunately our frozen brains read Whale museum when it was in fact a whaling museum. So not really an up lifter at all, more of a room of death and cruelty. We did manage to leave our thoughts in the guest book as we left to rather brave the cold.

The Whaling museum left a different impression on us.

On our way back in the taxi to our flight we were telling our taxi driver how cheap everything was and he was shocked saying Norway is one of the most expensive places in Europe. My mind instantly doubting myself asked him what he thought the exchange rate was. It was in fact nowhere near 27 to 1, it was 7Krone to €1. Shocked but in fits of laughter at our ignorance we laughed the whole way back shocked that we didn’t double check it ourselves. I guess a life lesson learned the hard way.

"Stop over" attire

Apparently a world famous fountain - Tick

Our little whirlwind trip was never the less fabulous, and we have picture evidence to add to the tick.

Saying bye for now while I continue ticking away.

Not the whale but mussels instead

xxx 

Life is too short - make every moment count - even the annoying stop - overs

Mile-high-WIFI

Blown away by Norwegian Air's WIFI!

I have finally left the sea of mono-brows and b/o that was the Turkish oven and thankful to say – relieved to be gone. Been given the cheapest most last minute deal the airlines had to offer we are currently doing the round-the-world-bargain trip back to France. Leaving Turkey to a small town in Norway called Trondhein, and yes I said Norway [go to Google maps and just look at that distance, do it, now!] followed by a small 9hour stop over and then to another small town called Strandfjiord still in Norway, followed by yet another small 6 hour stop over and then back to Nice. It’s truly hard to believe that was the cheapest option. But as much of a mission as it has been, it has been made easier by the friendly Norwegian Air crew and the Internet they now offer onboard.

What an amazing feat for the human race – blown away for sure, I do hope teleporting comes next.

I have always been in love with travelling, mostly the hotels, the planes and the trains. I don’t know what it is but I LOVE IT. Even a bad hotel still gives me butterflies so this trip – although long – is just another exciting adventure for me.

Not only do I get to tick off Norway on the “Visit every country in the world” list but my passport is now FULL and I couldn’t be more proud. I page though it like it’s a storybook. Sure it has some horror shots of me for the millions of visa’s I needed but over all it’s quite the adventure story.

It did get me thinking of the travel tips that have helped me out over the recent years. Might even help you out.

Carry-on: I’m not a fan of carrying too much as I really enjoy dumping my luggage at check-in and then wandering around bag less. But I have had to don the most unattractive backpack but hey, it takes everything I need and keeps my hands free.

The ol’ faithful: My sarong has probably been the best gift ever. Don’t pack that horrible little microfiber travel towel- I know it dries in two minutes but it takes me 15 to get to my whole body its so tiny, just take a sarong. Don’t waste space on a beach towel - pack a sarong. Make sure you keep it in your carry on as well as when you have an 18hour stop over like I had in Qatar and wasn’t allowed to leave the airport [Ah the good ol’ green mamba] that was my sheet, my blanket and my saviour from all that lurks and breathes on airport floors.

Too much luggage? Don’t stress, try your best ‘pretty pleeease’ face and if not the fines are no way near as bad as you think or if your in a bind then do what my fabulous fiancé does and slightly lift the bag up at the end of the scale. It takes practice to perfect it but when it works you feel like you have won the euro-millions.

You never know: Pack spare undies and a spare outfit. You just never know where you will get to go or what planned or unplanned events you might run into. We had a day added to our trip in Oz due to a cancelled flight and ended up having the biggest night ever in Darwin – luckily I packed spar knickers and a fab dress. It makes delays or cancelled flights way more fun.

Upgrade? My mom always told me if you don’t ask you don’t get, so I ask every time. Most airlines sell cheaper tickets on the day for upgrades and if anybody has done it you just know it’s worth it. If you fly emirates its worth signing up the emails and points package as if the flight isn’t full they upgrade cardholders first. Happened to us twice already. I have since then signed up to every damn flyer mile system there is. I make it my goal to get a free upgrade every time!

And lastly … please stop complaining: You have no idea how stupid you sound. After all the flights, stop over’s, waiting rooms, check ins and check outs, transfers and all that goes with the amazing feat that is ‘flying’ that I have done in the past 2 years so trust me when I tell you…It makes no difference what so ever. Yes the seats are cramped and shitty but your flying, in the sky, probably sipping on a mini bottle of wine – things could be worse. Yes check-in procedures can take ages but in the end, we all get on the right flight – most of the time. Just smile and remember your flying to another country. Its pretty awesome by itself.

Sam-in-a-can writing this to you live from Norwegian Air above … Hamburg for now. Yes that’s in the sky!!!

Foot in mouth disease

Flipping on the telly to the channel I used to watch all the Olympics on and watched Japan versus Korea woman’s football match - For 38minutes. Trying to figure out what disability they had – I knew they had one [it wasn’t as obvious as a missing limb, but you got that feeling] then realised it was the Woman’s under 20 world cup football – One of those moments your glad your not in public.

This is not unlike me in the slightest and I know for a fact I’m in good company. A great friend of mine [Johnson my Johnson – as she’s known by the locals] and I thought for the majority of our lives that the Bryan Adams lyrics to his song ‘Summer of 69’ went a little like this

“I got my first real sex dream” – You sing it and you’ll see what I mean. In fact I prefer our way.

In fact I like my way of most things. In primary school in the last month of school before Christmas they would give us these general knowledge quizzes to take up time and as much as I didn’t give a rats arse about general knowledge and still don’t, some of my best work was right in that quiz:

Question 1.

Finish the sentence; “Every cloud has a …”

 I scratched out the “has a” and simply put – White and fluffy.

I was not wrong now was I?

Question 7.

 Who is Andre Agassi’s wife?  - Mrs Agassi.

Again, not entirely wrong, bit vague perhaps but you get the point across.

Question 24.

Where am I? I just visited Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, and Angel Islington? An absolute give away – Monopoly!

Now if you think that was just when I was under the age of 11 you best think again, this ‘Foot-in-mouth’ Disease is a lifelong illness. Playing our ritual ’30 seconds’ in Plett with the family and all our fabulous Plett friends and I was describing a name – which I had no idea who or what it was, so used the best technique I knew how.

Moi “What do you play pool with?”

Fabulous Plett friends “A pool cue”

Moi “Yes, yes, ok next word is then repeated, I went to school with her in Standard 6, short and blonde” [Don’t hate the playa…hate the game]

Fabulous Plett friends (of those who went to school with me) “Sarah”

Moi “Yes so put them together and double that last bit”

FPF [Abv. = way cooler] “Cue Sarah Sarah?”

Moi [Exstatic} “YES!!!!”

Enter the sceptics … “What, wait lets see the card, no way… [BURSTS OF LAUGHTER AND FINGER POINTING] that’s “Que Sera Sera”

Moi “ Yes, that’s what I said”

Insert Foot-in-mouth-disease here <--

I’m not ashamed, in fact it makes life a whole lot more exciting and funny, and who doesn’t love to laugh.

Yours truly,

Continually has Foot-in-mouth-Stu

xxx

Harsh but fair.

I feel as this is my last week in Turkey I should give those fellow travellers out there the full scope of my experiences here in Kas. Kas is a very small town with a gorgeous coastline of the blue-est water you will ever see. It’s about the one aspect they haven’t lied about on the travel brochures. We have been here just over 3 months and gone from seeing everything there is to offer here in Kas to just becoming locals at our favourite restaurant slash bar slash mid night snack spot – Jimmy Jokers [describing it as ‘fabulous’ would not be doing it enough justice]. But as much as I want people to visit this wonderful family owned restaurant where we have had many a great meal, drunken night and just good conversations, I wouldn’t want you to waste your hard earned money visiting Turkey.

Harsh?

Well I have to admit, it is beautiful, a lot like the picturesque coastline of Thailand, it doesn’t have beaches per se but rocky inlets that are kitted with large umbrella’s and ‘poofs’ to lounge on which is a great way to tan at the sea. But besides being beautiful, it doesn’t have much more to offer. Its over 40degrees just about every day – which I know sounds grand in theory but you have no idea of the unbearable, uncomfortable, sticky, sweaty, sleepless nights you will have. Its safe to say I haven’t had a proper night sleep since we got here. Not only is it just too hot, but the people are …to put this lightly … HORRIFIC, ok so horrific is harsh maybe dishonest, lying, greedy, disgusting, slimy, dirty, ignorant and horrendous is better?

Harsh?

I hate to sound so negative but it would be fab if you could remove all the Turks from Turkey – problem solved [now who said I wouldn’t change the world for the better huh?]. If you’re like me and feel that the locals can either make or break a place then don’t go to Turkey. They lie, cheat and steal their way into your pockets anyway they can, not only are they bad people in general but the men are slimy and disgusting – I don’t mind a glance at the ladies every now and then but they see an elbow and they are a walking hard -on.  They also have proper stores selling fakes at only 20% off the original price??? When I told them they were fake and should be cheaper [the inner bargain hunter in me] he said yes but its good leather and the best fake – where I simply replied “go to Asia”. Now I don’t care how stupid you are, why are you buying a fake Louis for €600?

Its not only their ‘great fakes’ that are extremely pricey, it’s the whole town – dinner costs us the same amount as it does in Monaco. Now if I wanted a fancy Mediterranean getaway I wouldn’t rough it in dusty Turkey so why charge so much for so little.

Every salesperson, worker, official, security guard, waiter and ferry ticket officer has given us more than one reason to hate them. They don’t care much for service or even after sales service so as soon as they have your money they all of a sudden ‘don’t understand’ – but your English was fine ten minutes ago? I guess it is possible we have had a bad run with terrible Turks, but in the 3 months we have been here I have met perhaps a handful good Turk – those are not good odds.

My advice - get rid of all the Turks then Turkey would be a much nicer place. I have met some tourists who say they love the people here, but clearly they never met ‘Firat’ – the plumber who pleasured himself while standing behind me watching me mop the floor [unfortunately a true story] Or maybe they didn’t meet ‘Mehmit’ – the contractor who we paid to work for us for three days and worked two hours a day and charged us for 3 full days? Or maybe they didn’t meet ‘Omur’ our sweet taxi driver who tried to charge us ten times the normal price on day two and then kept doubling it every other day, hey you have to admire his boldness I guess. Maybe it was all doomed from day one when they held me up in the police station as they didn't know that South Africa was an actual country. 

So if Turkey was on your ‘To-Do’ list, id take it off and replace it with somewhere nicer – anywhere else in fact, somewhere with more value for your money with people who appreciate your business and tourism.

Definitely first country to properly hit the ‘Stu-‘s sh*t list’ for sure.

Never again Turkey…Never again.

The best names from the Olympics

So the Olympics are almost over and I will most definitely be sad to see it go, productivity however will increase two fold and now I look forward to the ‘blooper’ compilations from this year. No not to make fun of someone’s misfortune but just for a laugh – trust me, I wish I had all my greatest tumbles on tape.

So keeping with the funnier and ‘lite’ side to the Olympics, I have had such fun with so many of the names of the Athletes – and I’m from South Africa where Honesty and Elvis are common names. Even though my name is somewhat normal I have always had trouble with people saying Sam is a boys name and replying ‘Dear Sir’ in all my emails, so I have particularly enjoyed the great names at the Olympics.

So here are some my favourites from these Olympics – I hope the next one brings even better names.

1.     Endurance Abinuwa. It’s even funnier that she is a runner; I wouldn’t like my chances running against her.

2.     Rusian Albegov from Russia. I believe his mothers name was Original.

3.     Aleksandra Aleksandrov is not only a male rower from Azerbaijan but also a male boxer from Bulgaria. What are the chances?

4.     There are an astounding 21 athletes with the surname ‘Chen’ from China alone.

5.     20 athletes with the surname Wang.

6.     17 Jungs and 9 Lee’s in South Korea alone. The phone book must be confusing.

7.     Taiwan claims 15 Changs while table tennis has 7 Lee’s.

8.     I know Ning Ding from china had trouble at school.

9.     Definitely the most apt for their sport is Equestrian rider Rich Fellas.

10. The eternally confused Mexican athlete German Sanchez Sanchez.

11. Mark Anthony from Oz and Chris Brown from the Bahamas’ are now trying their hand at the Olympics.

12. Unfortunate…plain and simple: Destinee Hooker and Brent Newdick.

13. Yuu Suk Kim probably suffers from self-esteem issues.

14. The most surprising name to come out of Australia being Miao Miao

15. The gold medal for the athlete with the longest name goes to 

    ‘Aleksandra J Klejnowska-Krzywanska’.

16. Yoshi Takeshita – I’m still laughing at this one.

17. And lastly my personal favourite Indonesian weightlifter ‘Deni’ just rolls with one name. Hey if Madonna, Prince and Ronaldo can do why cant Deni?

Please add the ones you loved, I am sure I have missed a few greats.

Till the next Olympics

Yours truly,

Stu

The Olympics – To your average Joe or Stu.

I have to admit it’s really hard not to get ‘the fever’ with the Olympics on, and it is an excuse for anything really including a slightly less productive day at work? Just saying. I have enjoyed the Olympic drinking games too [who doesn’t love drinking games] by making drinking rules for each event, I subsequently came home wrecked after the opening match due to not knowing a couple for countries existed (3 fingers of your drink) and no I am not embarrassed as I think a large percentage of the world didn’t either, I’m just honest enough to own up... even on a public sphere.

 I felt it would be a crime against my blog if I didn’t mention it so in the spirit of the Olympics I figure I shall try set a top score or ‘most views’ goal for myself and in lieu of previous posts it seems that the posts most liked where either in point form or pictures [Says a lot about the people reading my blog – YES!]

So here is my breakdown of the Olympics, in point form – for the viewer who doesn’t care too much about them, only enjoys the finals, only watches the short events and is perhaps as confused as I am with a lot of the rules:

The Olympics – To your average Joe or Stu.

1.     Synchronised diving – couldn’t confuse me more, how can such gorgeous men do such a queer sport. But a round of applause to the outfit designers and from me personally a huge thank you for the small Speedo’s, made for good TV.

2.     Men’s Gymnastics – Hot bodies no doubt but again I find it a strange choice of sport for a man, especially the floorshow.

3.     Woman’s gymnastics – I mean girls gymnastics. What’s next…Tandem toddler canoeing?

4.     Swimming – I couldn’t be happier with the South Africans two gold medals thus far but is it absolutely necessary to have so many heats? I feel like it’s all I have watched. Get cut throat with them, your taking up too many channels.

5.     Judo – Didn’t even know it was an Olympic sport (don’t judge me). Its beyond average, my thoughts are if you are going to insist on keeping judo – perhaps change it to cage fighting. Way more exciting. Nothing says ‘Olympic spirit’ quite like grounding and pounding a fellow ‘Olympians’ face into the floor.

6.     Shooting – seriously?? And surely South Africa could be involved in this somehow?

7.     Girls soccer – Now I am all for the age old debate of ‘whatever a man can do – girls can do as well', but for me…leave soccer to the men ladies – your doing yourselves no favours.

8.     Handball – Now I always thought that it was a game I played during break at school with a tennis ball. How wrong was I, I love the viciousness of it all and those guys and girls are tough as nails! Just a thought – allow elbow shots – viewership would surely improve.

9.     Woman’s weight lifting – have loved watching it this week, truly - but ladies, for your own sake and your countries…wear some more make-up or pad your bra a bit. There were a few moments, no many many moments where I had a double take. All that said… You girls (??) got game!

   10. Fencing – By far my least favourite, and how is it that fencing is an actual sport? Really?!?! At least let them wear less padding, there needs to be something at stake here.

Even though I wasn’t an overly sporty kid, it would be all kinds of awesome to win a gold medal so in my defence … I chose boobs, and a social life over a gold medal.

Till the next event …

Yours Truly:

Olympic Stu

You go boy!

Gen'I'us

After being based in the smallest most southern town of Turkey called Kas I have had a lot of time to think. I know what you’re thinking – blonde gal on a rather long gap year ‘thinking’ – worrying I know. Well you would be right. It is worrying, I think so much I plan my future at the very least once a day right down to the finer details of projected income, level of job satisfaction, perceived lifestyle, I’m the modern-day better looking Nostradamus.

All this thinking about my future has also lead to some heated debates on what we shall do with our ‘Euro-Millions’ winning lottery ticket that we have not yet bought but I have no doubt in mind will come.  Off topic but noted.

It has also got me storming on the ‘invention’ side of life. Which got me thinking – further of course as to my history with my own inventions. I mention this because my mind sometimes hits genius levels – if I’m to be modest here. But for every invention I have had, I have been unable to act on any of them, which is sad to say the very least. They say if you put your mind to something it will happen, well I put my mind to it, on a few occasions now that I tally them up, and the world obviously wasn’t ready for pure genius-ness.

First stroke of genius: When I was a small motion sickness pre-schooler I invented a flip down tray from the roof of the car that had clips and holders for all my drawing things so that I too could draw or read without the urge of wanting to throw up. “Genius” I hear you murmur, well it was, unfortunately I didn’t foresee technology taking such a massive advance (I was only about 7) and instead the flip down TV screen blew my little invention out of the water. I still think it would work for the parents who don’t want their children becoming television and play station zombies.

First “stolen” bright idea: I am sure you have seen the multi-veg cutter, that is scissor-like in its appearance but instead of blades it cutes say a whole cucumber into slices – clever I know. So I am almost sure [100%, well there or there abouts] that I came up with that first, perhaps after my early signs of genius with the fold down tray tipped off the feds [the inventor feds] and they snatched that one up while I told it to my mom in the car years and years ago.

These are just two examples that if I have followed through, would probably be sipping Mai Thais on a beach somewhere [I guess I’m already dong that, but say my wallet would weigh me down – like A LOT]. About 3 years ago I had an invention for high heels that would blow ol Jimmy [the Chooooooo] out the water. I just need some 5-step-guide-on-how-to-submit-your-invention-and-be-super-famous-guide. Where oh where can I find this? I now have an idea for the food industry that would make my life and millions of others out there easier if only I knew who the ‘Go To’ guy was.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, that when your kid says he has a cool idea on how to slice up an avo in perfect slithers all at once, or a contraption that de-pips olives, or if she thinks it would be a cool to have all your music on a small device that you could listen to anytime, or even if he has a great idea to join all his friends together [and some] on a website online where they can share pictures and thoughts and stuff like that – you could be…well… A GENIUS!

So for all those investors out there reading my blog looking for a great invention or the latest fad … Feel free to contact me – anytime.

Yours truly

Undiscovered Genius-Stu.

A lil boat trip around the gorgeous islands of Kekova.