Foot in mouth disease

Flipping on the telly to the channel I used to watch all the Olympics on and watched Japan versus Korea woman’s football match - For 38minutes. Trying to figure out what disability they had – I knew they had one [it wasn’t as obvious as a missing limb, but you got that feeling] then realised it was the Woman’s under 20 world cup football – One of those moments your glad your not in public.

This is not unlike me in the slightest and I know for a fact I’m in good company. A great friend of mine [Johnson my Johnson – as she’s known by the locals] and I thought for the majority of our lives that the Bryan Adams lyrics to his song ‘Summer of 69’ went a little like this

“I got my first real sex dream” – You sing it and you’ll see what I mean. In fact I prefer our way.

In fact I like my way of most things. In primary school in the last month of school before Christmas they would give us these general knowledge quizzes to take up time and as much as I didn’t give a rats arse about general knowledge and still don’t, some of my best work was right in that quiz:

Question 1.

Finish the sentence; “Every cloud has a …”

 I scratched out the “has a” and simply put – White and fluffy.

I was not wrong now was I?

Question 7.

 Who is Andre Agassi’s wife?  - Mrs Agassi.

Again, not entirely wrong, bit vague perhaps but you get the point across.

Question 24.

Where am I? I just visited Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, and Angel Islington? An absolute give away – Monopoly!

Now if you think that was just when I was under the age of 11 you best think again, this ‘Foot-in-mouth’ Disease is a lifelong illness. Playing our ritual ’30 seconds’ in Plett with the family and all our fabulous Plett friends and I was describing a name – which I had no idea who or what it was, so used the best technique I knew how.

Moi “What do you play pool with?”

Fabulous Plett friends “A pool cue”

Moi “Yes, yes, ok next word is then repeated, I went to school with her in Standard 6, short and blonde” [Don’t hate the playa…hate the game]

Fabulous Plett friends (of those who went to school with me) “Sarah”

Moi “Yes so put them together and double that last bit”

FPF [Abv. = way cooler] “Cue Sarah Sarah?”

Moi [Exstatic} “YES!!!!”

Enter the sceptics … “What, wait lets see the card, no way… [BURSTS OF LAUGHTER AND FINGER POINTING] that’s “Que Sera Sera”

Moi “ Yes, that’s what I said”

Insert Foot-in-mouth-disease here <--

I’m not ashamed, in fact it makes life a whole lot more exciting and funny, and who doesn’t love to laugh.

Yours truly,

Continually has Foot-in-mouth-Stu

xxx