They see me roll'in, they hat'in

 I read before venturing off on our extended leave of absence that if you are not all that into back packing, you can always try the “flash-packing” side of things, which is only slightly more expensive.  Without a lifetime supply of money this made me very happy, as we were on a budget and I’m all about good deals.  I still wasn’t too prepared for the extreme budget spots, in particular dirty or even worse, communal showers. Now I might sound like a snob here, who I am not for the record, I in fact lived in a hellhole for a whole year (nine months actually but a year sounds so much better, rounding it up hey?). I started sharing showers - in hostels – in a more normal on a budget slash gap year way rather than the way it just came across. I actually enjoyed them (still in a normal gap year kinda way) jokes aside, my friend and I (Johnson, My Johnson) would visit every bathroom on all the levels of the hostel and go “Shopping”. It was the best way to find left-toiletries, thieves we were not but free is free and free is fabulous at the end of the day.

Not only have I done the communal shower thing, I also lived without power for a month, in London, (And you thought that was nothing until London sprung up – cynics). But I thought sure, Asia is rough (no offense) but hey, I can handle it, which I did with only a few minor hiccups.

Take Bali for example, I pre-booked our first weeks stay – enough of the rolling eyes please, I’m an organiser and I like things organised OK (OCD attack over – phew). As our flight only arrived at mid-night I thought that at least our cosy little hotel which as described on the net as “ comfortable, close to the main beach, clean and spacious” and all that for only €10 a night plus brekkie – too good to be true. And it was! The room was spacious, luckily, as it allowed all the dust, previous guests hair, and lost (or were they?) bugs to gather in the corners. Deep breath, I could rough it with the best of them. Busting for the loo plus a first bout of food poisoning (not complaining as I lost a few kilos this week, just merely stating a fact), rushed to the all-in-one-bathroom. An all-in-one-er is fine with me, it’s a time saver but when I’m standing on someone else’s pee and lets face it…poo while taking a shower – HELL NO. I flushed, only to watch what I had just put down spew out the sides onto the floor. That was me I’m afraid – back-packer I AM NOT!

I will not be mocked or sniggered at by professional backpackers either - with their roll up mats, drying laundry from their backpack, alongside the clip-on hand sanitizer, wearing their hiking boots as if that’s appropriate footwear for any occasion. I am proud to roll my wheelie bag – maybe we should start a new trend of budget rollers, walk around in gorgeous, perhaps uncomfortable sandals with my dirty laundry at the laundry mat drying and my hand sanitizer in my handbag thank you very much.

Bali does offer you hotels without a dust infested room and sh*t-free bathrooms but I suggest you venture as far away from Kuta as possible. As much fun as I had, and the surfer beaches that we missioned around to find were as close to paradise as you can find, being haggled all day by Linda for a massage will drive you insane.  Yes, Linda was her name, as she wore it on her hat while she inappropriately started touching your feet or shoulders while she sat on my lounge chair under my umbrella. Don’t be fooled and say “maybe after a swim”, or  “maybe later”, be bold and say NO! Better yet find a beach where Linda didn’t get to and have the most peaceful day on a beautiful beach.

Few great tips before backpacking or even flash packing like:

- Pack some shower slops – I know this isn’t grade 11-school camp but if you want some gross diseases then be my guest. And leave them at the bathroom door for the drunken mid-night pee (you’ll thank me).

- Whatever price they offer you, divide it by 3 and then start going lower.

- Don’t waste bag space on a beach towel, pack those extra shorts and buy a cheap sarong, its so hot it’ll dry in about two minutes.

- Make sure you leave with some cash, they charge a sneaky leaving fee and its pretty hefty!

- Don’t pre-book accommodation (even if your like me) but wonder around the area you want to stay in and demand to see their bathrooms. They seem to neglect them when the cleaning gets done.

- Their food is fabulous, so branch out.

See so if your nervous to travel on a budget and don’t fit the “back-packer” mould, never fear – You don’t have to wear your ‘Hitek’ hiking boots at all if you don’t want to. Flash packing or backpacking might not be my thing, perhaps “Rolling” is!

Sam-In-A-Can rolling out of here for now!

Sam-pling the world

After promising myself and the right side of my brain that each week I’d find the time to write a little bit of this or a little bit of that for my blog, I now find myself teetering awfully close to the Friday mark and yet nothing to show for my weeks efforts. So to keep myself happy (don’t need left brain right brain conflict again) I flicked through some pictures from my most recent travels for inspiration. I would have to say my favourite, from the most recent travel-bug-spell was Cambodia and it would be a travesty for me not to tell you about it.

I now know why Angelina has one – a Cambodian I mean. Their kids are I-wanna-eat-you-all-up, Im taking them all home with me type of children. I can’t explain it (Brad gets me though), but these kids touch your soul with just a smile and an echoing  ‘Hellllllloooooo’ that you can hear from the back of their small homes before you even see this little guy or girl running as fast as he or she can to give you a wave at the drive way.

I must say, I felt a bit like the queen (a sexier, younger, more up beat version obviously – wow blow my own horn why don’t I, but to leave you with an image of the queen as someone who resembles me…not good PR) but after a week in Cambodia I can out-wave the hell outta her. I felt guilty when I didn’t wave back and there are over 14 million people in Cambodia (no, that’s not just general knowledge, I Googled it), I even tried to change the way I said ‘hello’ as I was getting bored of my own voice. We raced the kids that ran along side us, ok so I should probably mention we were cycling and not in a car – fast Cambodian kids, no wonder ‘Brangelina’ got one – Olympic-parent-pushers, and Go the queen cycling.

Yip, we decided that to have a six-month holiday of beaching-it would be rather boring (I don’t stand by that statement but a bit of adventure never hurt anyone hey). So we investigated biking around the temples, the rural villages, the whole damn thing really. And it was AWE-SAM, I mean it, every bit of it was truly amazing, even the scorching heat that we had to cycle up to 65km’s every day (um 65km’s…impressed much?) to the bugs flying around the place (luckily I’m a quick cycler) to the gorgeous cheap markets, to the amazing, unique (still worried if it’s a cat and not chicken) cuisine, ominous looking but never the less great food. The people are so unbelievably friendly you end up just chatting to everyone, and their friendliness has even rubbed off onto the other tourists. Oh and FYI, it’s a fab spiritual gay destination, a bizarre fun fact but I was amazed at how many gay couples we met and then Google clarified that it is in fact in the top 10 Gay destinations (Broadening my target audience …check)

I even loved the cycling. Encouraged by my mom’s passed down words of wisdom “Its like riding a bike”, and its true, you never really forget do you. I’ll admit I had one or two tumbles when I was surprised by my braking strength and went, to put it elegantly, Ass-Over-Tit. Once I got stuck in a high gear on an uphill and had a minor side tumble. But we gave it our all, even after the first days mammoth trip around and first day on a bicycle for about five to ten years (I kid you not) my behind was less impressed with Cambodia than I was. I haven’t felt that kind of pain probably since the first time I rode a bike, its not a muscle pain – oh no, its not necessarily a bone pain, but MY WORD it’s a huge pain. I even attempted cycling standing for day two, I assumed my legs were tougher than the butt but I was sorely mistaken.

Needless to say I have great action photos of me cycling through the rugged terrain of Cambodia through the harsh dry summer heat (liar, it wasn’t even mid-season). Oh and temples, temples, temples, I have photo’s of them too. They were great too, I mean I really enjoyed them and that sort of stuff doesn’t interest me but Ankgor Wat…blew me away.  Just blew me away.

How could it not blow you away.

So my little tip for someone who wants adventure and a full moon party with 20 000 drunks isn’t up your alley, then Cambodia is it! Its got everything a non-beach holiday should have, and it has a beach I just haven’t been there yet (add to To Do List).  So stray from the regular ‘holidays’ and let yourself (like Brangelina) fall in love with Cambodia.

So I guess its bye for now.

Love Sore Butt Stu 

Tipping in Thailand

Being Stu has allowed me the luxuries of a spot of travelling here and there, which is really why I took on the persona (and job) as Stu.  Ok so let me explain…a friend of mine introduced me to this fabulous book called “101 things to do before I die”. Yeah yeah yeah a bucket list of sorts but really more of a fun way of recording moments in my life. Some of them are extreme ideas from sky diving to bungee jumping (Tick, Tick) while others are simple, like create your own cocktail (tick – I named it the Samuel L Jacky Chanson, and it’ll blow your mind), yet they still push you to do things away from your normal day to day behaviour. Some of them are a bit ridiculous or near impossible for example, write your own best seller. Come to think of it, it’s probably not that hard, I mean every book I have read over the last two years (Yes, I read) has either “New York Times best seller” or some other “best seller” advertising sprawled all over its cover. Seriously? How many best sellers could there be? But back to the point, some of them are truly damn near impossible, like having enough money to do all the things on the list, and one of them is continue your gene pool and we all know all kids do is eat, spend your money and sleep (yes I was one of them too).

Difficulties aside, it’s the simple ideas they give you that have lead me here, today! I was particularly fond of the “Visit all the countries of the world”, and although near impossible, I’m giving it my all! Ticking as I go along! My most recent escapades were to Thailand, among other amazing places but that will all come later (here’s where I tell you you should subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss out on all the great travel advice I might have). After being told by just about everyone that “OMG you guys, Thailand is un-friggen-believable”. So we went for it, and I went against what everyone had told us about pre-booking hotels and booked us a week in a semi luxury resort for less than what I spend on a night out at the pub - and my drinking abilities have decreased quite substantially, I am now a light weight, much to my own horror. Now in order to give you accurate information on Thailand, not only the “It was amazing” bits – which it was, but phew there are some hurdles to get over.

Take for example the route up to Thailand from Kuala Lumpur (tick) by train was “all the rage” according to Trip Advisor for a cheap over night way to get to Thailand. They don’t however tell you that you will most likely be sharing the train with a thousand other people and perhaps a chicken or two (your laughing…I’m still not). After what was the most horrific 23 hours of my life, a bit dramatic I know but at the border we were all booted off - thanks for that bit of info Trip Advisor (note to self, take off Trip Advisor from possible advertisers list). Told to leave our belongings and go through border control. For those of you who wish to live in Thailand for an undetermined amount of time, just watch the sneaky 500Bth a day fee for over staying the mere 15-day visa they give you on arrival from the train (see great tip)

 So we head through border control, hoping our bags weren’t stuffed with cocaine and that we weren’t about to re-live the movie Broken Down Palace (hell no!) Walked out from where the friendly smiling Thai man (an oxymoron if I ever), stamped our passports to find that not only were our bags gone, but the whole train was gone as well. We got them back eventually and after a two full days travelling, being haggled, scammed and subjected to six hours on a bus without AC (which they promise you on their children’s lives), we arrived at our gorgeous hotel.

And gorgeous it was,

Thailand for the most of it is truly beautiful, apart form the hundreds of poor stray dogs trying to infect you with rabies (Its not on the list but tick) Their food is tasty beyond words even if sometimes your worried it might not be chicken but that poor stray dog trying to infect you with rabies. The shopping was cheap and great fun, I must say I roll my eyes and click my tongue to all those travellers whose advice was to arrive with an empty suitcase. Shame on you for dishing out such bad travel tips. If I wanted to stock up on lumo gears, fishermans pants, the hard-to-sell Ed Hardy get ups and about a billion Sinhga beer vests then maybe, but to bring an empty suitcase is a bold and bad move.

How about tips like:

  1.    Pack bug spray, and a lot of it, as you will be covered from head to toe in bites. You can buy it there cheaply but the only ones we could find said they were mosquito and snail repellents. Snail repellent… how slow are we moving, or is this preventative measures for passing out at the full moon party?

2.      Bargain your way down almost to zero, its possible and don’t be afraid to walk away, that dress will be at the very next store for half the price.

3.     Pack bog roll, Always! Not only is toilet paper a luxurious item over there, you never know what the next toilet will be like, especially if your backpacking or flash packing. We were on a ration of one roll a day from our hotel?

4.     The hose next to the toilet isn’t for spraying away the cockroaches but for spraying after you ‘go’. Laugh all you want but that’s all I used it for.

5.     Linked to the above tip; Invest in some slipslops that have a wedge on them. Think about it, the hose sprays water onto your bum and where does that water go?

6 .      And lastly… take Imodium as well as laxatives. I know your thinking why both, well in Thailand we experienced only two states of being. We were either constipated (rice and noodles, say no more) or had the trots.  (Please see tip 3) I did however take the runs as a blessing in disguise; you put on minimum holiday weight, look on the bright side here people.

After an amazing two and a half weeks in Thailand, you’ll never want to leave but just remember that if that’s how beautiful one place could be, imagine what else is out there. Don’t worry, I’m on it!

That’s all I have for this week - Keep doing the crazy and squeeze every drop of awesome-ness from today!

Yours truly,

Stu

A bad rap.

Being unemployed has gotten a very bad wrap over the centuries (WOAH, taking it a bit too far back, I think you were either a slave or you weren’t back a couple of centuries ago?). But seriously there is nothing positive about the words being fired, retrenched, let-go, replaced, made redundant, will no longer be needing your services, canned, lay off, we’re resizing, we’re restructuring, walking the plank, given the ol heave-ho, we are terminating your contract or simply get out. I’m not saying you have to fired to be unemployed, you may have quit, taking an undetermined leave of absence, resign or simply walk, but even those words aren’t particularly pleasant are they? Clearly all you fired or quitters out there are doing it wrong.

Take me for example, I’m currently 2 days away from being into month 7 of being unemployed and I have to say…best decision of my life. I don’t particularly see why I should venture back to the world of work because I’m happy and isn’t that all we strive for in life – Do something that makes you happy, well I am and I’m loving it. I can already see the sceptics out there, raising a very “Pah-Lease” eyebrow at me. Well its true, sure there are aspects such as money to consider, but perhaps you should have thought of that before you decide to do what makes you happy forever (nothing). If you have to shovel the shit so to speak for a few months or years before taking a rather long holiday then why the hell not?

I have done some pretty nasty things in the last two years, and I mean nasty. I once nearly destroyed some rich billionaires luxury super yacht’s(that word just keeps popping up doesn’t it) entire plumbing system by almost loosing a rag down the loo. You read correctly. I had to clean the toilet bowls as scum had built up in them over the winter months (not to mention the birth place of some horrific, non-curable diseases) and was told explicitly not to put anything down them or else … (I know right, the drama). But as I was scrubbing while simultaneously flushing I just let it slip away from me and just like that it was gone. But this moment in my yachting career (a career … please.) didn’t crush me… no, in fact I crossed a whole new line of mind over matter moments and gloved up (protection is always important) and went about as far as the glove length allowed me to fish it out.

I guess I still got a job after that so it couldn’t have completely destroyed about a billion dollars, could it? But two years on the grind of being that slave-type of occupation I call Stu, and now the gorgeous life of unemployment. It’s been bliss. I rocked the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand with my fiancé, visited long lost sisters of mine in Australia for a crazy drunken blur, dabbled in a bit of Bali with one of my best friends (Jared), even got energetic and cycled throughout Cambodia – did about 60km a day (don’t worry I had a van with air-conditioning following us for when the butt gave out completely). Then we cruised up through Malaysia to Thailand were we haggled the living hell out of the Thai’s that I think even now they are wondering how we got it down to that price. And somehow ended up at a South African restaurant in Kuala Lumpur with some newfound friends. Nope that’s not all; we also spent the last 8 weeks in South Africa having the most amazing time in Plett and Cape Town with all the family, the booze room (yes we have one) and the fabulous cousins and friends.

I’m not saying it’s a permanent state of being as we are on the prowl for a new job but if doesn’t want to come, well then I’m taking a long weekend heading up the mountains for a little bit of snowboarding maybe? You see unemployment is more a state of mind, I’m unemployed – sure – but I am all kinds of happy. So to sum this up, unemployed is by far one of the most underrated “state of beings” one could be in. I am so disappointed that it wasn’t a subject at uni (note to university entrepreneurs – think about it); imagine being guided on how to take six months off a year? That lecture hall would be packed to the rafters (for the first six months).  Next time I see someone binge drinking due to being ‘let-go’ or someone’s Facebook status is an unhappy face for being unemployed, I’m going to smack them with a “Get out there and enjoy”. Life is too short, and how on earth will you tick off all the countries in the world if you’re working all year round? Madness I tell you.

Out-of-work-Stu… happily signing off :) 


A little something i just couldnt resist! Absolutely love these

http://www.etsy.com/blog/en/2011/how-tuesday-mustache-drink-topper/