The grass is not always greener!

T.I.A - THIS is Africa

I know we all complain about the ‘bad’ in SA, the crime rate is through the roof, corruption is more common than aids it seems and a general sense of ‘get out before we turn into Zim’. I was always one who silently agreed [never much for a heated debate about important stuff but get me started on the debate whether rose needs ice or not, phew, ill be there for days] but it unfortunately takes one to leave the country to realise how good we actually have it. The grass isn’t greener on the side…in fact there isn’t any grass at all. Fine the crime and corruption are points that weigh heavily on our hearts and rightfully so but its time everyone started to see the good in whatever or where ever you are.

I left SA thinking that ‘sure I love my country but I know there is better out there’, and let me tell you it’s been hard to find something that compares. I have been in and out of France, Italy and Monaco for almost two years and without doubt they have issues too. Ok people aren’t getting raped or murdered daily but drug crimes here are rife, vandalism from the ‘Frashy’ [test to see who has read my previous blogs – directly translated into French – Trash, as in those horrible Adidas tracksuit wearing kids], these ‘Frashy’ idiots will sit in a queue for the bus to school, to school, while smoking. On the train they will smoke weed and offer it to other passengers as obviously when you’re in school your way too cool [Ok I was but these kids have fallen short].

Our public transport system may need a bit more of a push to get going properly but the trains and buses here probably go only 25% of the time. They strike more than the miners do. Sometimes its just because it’s a Monday and that’s just too much to ask to work on a Monday, I mean really?

When I look at the smaller things such as service in SA, we blow every country I have been to out of the water. I know I have complained about service back home but everyone needs to up their game now and then but every country I have been to looks at service the same way they look upon work ethic, morals and personal growth -  not bothered!!!

SPUR!!!! No who wouldn't LOVE Spur and their fabulous Hot rocks!

Even looking at the basics such as food back home - you have no idea how spoilt we are, not necessarily South African style cooking (bar the braai) but we are spoilt for choice. I remember being asked what I felt like eating; Chinese, Thai, Italian, Mexican, Pub grub etc but everywhere else has its basic two page menu that they are given by the restaurant god and they are NOT to stray from it. Even the countries who have a BBQ don’t do it right, I remember the hours of chatting around the braai holding your hand above it to see if the boerie would burn or not, yes it took hours…and so it should, not the electric quick braai, where is the experience in that? We take all that for granted.

I am not saying South Africa is the best place in the world but what I am saying is stop being so damn negative about everything. Every day I live away from home I am more grateful for the way I was brought up, the food we have, the lifestyles we live, the people I know and the list goes on and on. The world revolves around the negative so there is no point to dwell on it further, pick out the amazing, the wonderful, the good, even the ok. I guess if the grass isn’t green on your side… go buy some of that instant grass, put a braai on it with a cooler box filled with rose.

Sometimes you don't even need grass

Proudly South African – Stu [PSAS for all those too cool abbreviators out there], and pining for some biltong, a crème soda and some damn Nik Naks!

Cape Town - On a beach in Betty's Bay with some wonderful people!

Never waste a stop-over!

Evidence we went to Norway.

Don’t let a stop over pass you by without investigating your options. I’m genuinely a nervous flyer in terms of being on time and do not like to leave it late at all. I’m the girl who is there first in the queue an hour earlier than recommended. Don’t judge me, it’s because of this very reason I get away with too much luggage, the best seats available or even the odd upgrade. But when you’re given your flight and it has two stop over’s in Norway I can’t tell you the smile on my face!

As you know I’m attempting to visit every country in the world as part of my bucket list and due to this rather costly point on the list you cant expect to spend countless day in each place – you have to be brutal, it’s a cut throat system unfortunately. So there we were for 9 hours in Norway. TICK!

We met a lovely lady who told us the exchange rate [27krone to €1] and we were stoked, not only were we ticking off Norway but doing it cheaply. A quick taxi ride to the town centre for some lunch where they offered us whale steak – now I know I’m no veggie but I just cant bring myself to eat something so wonderful.

Then took a stroll through the small town, which was quite pretty. It was however freezing so we took refuge in a museum. Now I know what you’re thinking – ‘you don’t do museums’ and I don’t. But it was cheap and in the warmth. Paid our money and then ventured into what we assumed was a whale museum. Unfortunately our frozen brains read Whale museum when it was in fact a whaling museum. So not really an up lifter at all, more of a room of death and cruelty. We did manage to leave our thoughts in the guest book as we left to rather brave the cold.

The Whaling museum left a different impression on us.

On our way back in the taxi to our flight we were telling our taxi driver how cheap everything was and he was shocked saying Norway is one of the most expensive places in Europe. My mind instantly doubting myself asked him what he thought the exchange rate was. It was in fact nowhere near 27 to 1, it was 7Krone to €1. Shocked but in fits of laughter at our ignorance we laughed the whole way back shocked that we didn’t double check it ourselves. I guess a life lesson learned the hard way.

"Stop over" attire

Apparently a world famous fountain - Tick

Our little whirlwind trip was never the less fabulous, and we have picture evidence to add to the tick.

Saying bye for now while I continue ticking away.

Not the whale but mussels instead

xxx 

Life is too short - make every moment count - even the annoying stop - overs

Mile-high-WIFI

Blown away by Norwegian Air's WIFI!

I have finally left the sea of mono-brows and b/o that was the Turkish oven and thankful to say – relieved to be gone. Been given the cheapest most last minute deal the airlines had to offer we are currently doing the round-the-world-bargain trip back to France. Leaving Turkey to a small town in Norway called Trondhein, and yes I said Norway [go to Google maps and just look at that distance, do it, now!] followed by a small 9hour stop over and then to another small town called Strandfjiord still in Norway, followed by yet another small 6 hour stop over and then back to Nice. It’s truly hard to believe that was the cheapest option. But as much of a mission as it has been, it has been made easier by the friendly Norwegian Air crew and the Internet they now offer onboard.

What an amazing feat for the human race – blown away for sure, I do hope teleporting comes next.

I have always been in love with travelling, mostly the hotels, the planes and the trains. I don’t know what it is but I LOVE IT. Even a bad hotel still gives me butterflies so this trip – although long – is just another exciting adventure for me.

Not only do I get to tick off Norway on the “Visit every country in the world” list but my passport is now FULL and I couldn’t be more proud. I page though it like it’s a storybook. Sure it has some horror shots of me for the millions of visa’s I needed but over all it’s quite the adventure story.

It did get me thinking of the travel tips that have helped me out over the recent years. Might even help you out.

Carry-on: I’m not a fan of carrying too much as I really enjoy dumping my luggage at check-in and then wandering around bag less. But I have had to don the most unattractive backpack but hey, it takes everything I need and keeps my hands free.

The ol’ faithful: My sarong has probably been the best gift ever. Don’t pack that horrible little microfiber travel towel- I know it dries in two minutes but it takes me 15 to get to my whole body its so tiny, just take a sarong. Don’t waste space on a beach towel - pack a sarong. Make sure you keep it in your carry on as well as when you have an 18hour stop over like I had in Qatar and wasn’t allowed to leave the airport [Ah the good ol’ green mamba] that was my sheet, my blanket and my saviour from all that lurks and breathes on airport floors.

Too much luggage? Don’t stress, try your best ‘pretty pleeease’ face and if not the fines are no way near as bad as you think or if your in a bind then do what my fabulous fiancé does and slightly lift the bag up at the end of the scale. It takes practice to perfect it but when it works you feel like you have won the euro-millions.

You never know: Pack spare undies and a spare outfit. You just never know where you will get to go or what planned or unplanned events you might run into. We had a day added to our trip in Oz due to a cancelled flight and ended up having the biggest night ever in Darwin – luckily I packed spar knickers and a fab dress. It makes delays or cancelled flights way more fun.

Upgrade? My mom always told me if you don’t ask you don’t get, so I ask every time. Most airlines sell cheaper tickets on the day for upgrades and if anybody has done it you just know it’s worth it. If you fly emirates its worth signing up the emails and points package as if the flight isn’t full they upgrade cardholders first. Happened to us twice already. I have since then signed up to every damn flyer mile system there is. I make it my goal to get a free upgrade every time!

And lastly … please stop complaining: You have no idea how stupid you sound. After all the flights, stop over’s, waiting rooms, check ins and check outs, transfers and all that goes with the amazing feat that is ‘flying’ that I have done in the past 2 years so trust me when I tell you…It makes no difference what so ever. Yes the seats are cramped and shitty but your flying, in the sky, probably sipping on a mini bottle of wine – things could be worse. Yes check-in procedures can take ages but in the end, we all get on the right flight – most of the time. Just smile and remember your flying to another country. Its pretty awesome by itself.

Sam-in-a-can writing this to you live from Norwegian Air above … Hamburg for now. Yes that’s in the sky!!!

Foot in mouth disease

Flipping on the telly to the channel I used to watch all the Olympics on and watched Japan versus Korea woman’s football match - For 38minutes. Trying to figure out what disability they had – I knew they had one [it wasn’t as obvious as a missing limb, but you got that feeling] then realised it was the Woman’s under 20 world cup football – One of those moments your glad your not in public.

This is not unlike me in the slightest and I know for a fact I’m in good company. A great friend of mine [Johnson my Johnson – as she’s known by the locals] and I thought for the majority of our lives that the Bryan Adams lyrics to his song ‘Summer of 69’ went a little like this

“I got my first real sex dream” – You sing it and you’ll see what I mean. In fact I prefer our way.

In fact I like my way of most things. In primary school in the last month of school before Christmas they would give us these general knowledge quizzes to take up time and as much as I didn’t give a rats arse about general knowledge and still don’t, some of my best work was right in that quiz:

Question 1.

Finish the sentence; “Every cloud has a …”

 I scratched out the “has a” and simply put – White and fluffy.

I was not wrong now was I?

Question 7.

 Who is Andre Agassi’s wife?  - Mrs Agassi.

Again, not entirely wrong, bit vague perhaps but you get the point across.

Question 24.

Where am I? I just visited Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, and Angel Islington? An absolute give away – Monopoly!

Now if you think that was just when I was under the age of 11 you best think again, this ‘Foot-in-mouth’ Disease is a lifelong illness. Playing our ritual ’30 seconds’ in Plett with the family and all our fabulous Plett friends and I was describing a name – which I had no idea who or what it was, so used the best technique I knew how.

Moi “What do you play pool with?”

Fabulous Plett friends “A pool cue”

Moi “Yes, yes, ok next word is then repeated, I went to school with her in Standard 6, short and blonde” [Don’t hate the playa…hate the game]

Fabulous Plett friends (of those who went to school with me) “Sarah”

Moi “Yes so put them together and double that last bit”

FPF [Abv. = way cooler] “Cue Sarah Sarah?”

Moi [Exstatic} “YES!!!!”

Enter the sceptics … “What, wait lets see the card, no way… [BURSTS OF LAUGHTER AND FINGER POINTING] that’s “Que Sera Sera”

Moi “ Yes, that’s what I said”

Insert Foot-in-mouth-disease here <--

I’m not ashamed, in fact it makes life a whole lot more exciting and funny, and who doesn’t love to laugh.

Yours truly,

Continually has Foot-in-mouth-Stu

xxx

Harsh but fair.

I feel as this is my last week in Turkey I should give those fellow travellers out there the full scope of my experiences here in Kas. Kas is a very small town with a gorgeous coastline of the blue-est water you will ever see. It’s about the one aspect they haven’t lied about on the travel brochures. We have been here just over 3 months and gone from seeing everything there is to offer here in Kas to just becoming locals at our favourite restaurant slash bar slash mid night snack spot – Jimmy Jokers [describing it as ‘fabulous’ would not be doing it enough justice]. But as much as I want people to visit this wonderful family owned restaurant where we have had many a great meal, drunken night and just good conversations, I wouldn’t want you to waste your hard earned money visiting Turkey.

Harsh?

Well I have to admit, it is beautiful, a lot like the picturesque coastline of Thailand, it doesn’t have beaches per se but rocky inlets that are kitted with large umbrella’s and ‘poofs’ to lounge on which is a great way to tan at the sea. But besides being beautiful, it doesn’t have much more to offer. Its over 40degrees just about every day – which I know sounds grand in theory but you have no idea of the unbearable, uncomfortable, sticky, sweaty, sleepless nights you will have. Its safe to say I haven’t had a proper night sleep since we got here. Not only is it just too hot, but the people are …to put this lightly … HORRIFIC, ok so horrific is harsh maybe dishonest, lying, greedy, disgusting, slimy, dirty, ignorant and horrendous is better?

Harsh?

I hate to sound so negative but it would be fab if you could remove all the Turks from Turkey – problem solved [now who said I wouldn’t change the world for the better huh?]. If you’re like me and feel that the locals can either make or break a place then don’t go to Turkey. They lie, cheat and steal their way into your pockets anyway they can, not only are they bad people in general but the men are slimy and disgusting – I don’t mind a glance at the ladies every now and then but they see an elbow and they are a walking hard -on.  They also have proper stores selling fakes at only 20% off the original price??? When I told them they were fake and should be cheaper [the inner bargain hunter in me] he said yes but its good leather and the best fake – where I simply replied “go to Asia”. Now I don’t care how stupid you are, why are you buying a fake Louis for €600?

Its not only their ‘great fakes’ that are extremely pricey, it’s the whole town – dinner costs us the same amount as it does in Monaco. Now if I wanted a fancy Mediterranean getaway I wouldn’t rough it in dusty Turkey so why charge so much for so little.

Every salesperson, worker, official, security guard, waiter and ferry ticket officer has given us more than one reason to hate them. They don’t care much for service or even after sales service so as soon as they have your money they all of a sudden ‘don’t understand’ – but your English was fine ten minutes ago? I guess it is possible we have had a bad run with terrible Turks, but in the 3 months we have been here I have met perhaps a handful good Turk – those are not good odds.

My advice - get rid of all the Turks then Turkey would be a much nicer place. I have met some tourists who say they love the people here, but clearly they never met ‘Firat’ – the plumber who pleasured himself while standing behind me watching me mop the floor [unfortunately a true story] Or maybe they didn’t meet ‘Mehmit’ – the contractor who we paid to work for us for three days and worked two hours a day and charged us for 3 full days? Or maybe they didn’t meet ‘Omur’ our sweet taxi driver who tried to charge us ten times the normal price on day two and then kept doubling it every other day, hey you have to admire his boldness I guess. Maybe it was all doomed from day one when they held me up in the police station as they didn't know that South Africa was an actual country. 

So if Turkey was on your ‘To-Do’ list, id take it off and replace it with somewhere nicer – anywhere else in fact, somewhere with more value for your money with people who appreciate your business and tourism.

Definitely first country to properly hit the ‘Stu-‘s sh*t list’ for sure.

Never again Turkey…Never again.

The best names from the Olympics

So the Olympics are almost over and I will most definitely be sad to see it go, productivity however will increase two fold and now I look forward to the ‘blooper’ compilations from this year. No not to make fun of someone’s misfortune but just for a laugh – trust me, I wish I had all my greatest tumbles on tape.

So keeping with the funnier and ‘lite’ side to the Olympics, I have had such fun with so many of the names of the Athletes – and I’m from South Africa where Honesty and Elvis are common names. Even though my name is somewhat normal I have always had trouble with people saying Sam is a boys name and replying ‘Dear Sir’ in all my emails, so I have particularly enjoyed the great names at the Olympics.

So here are some my favourites from these Olympics – I hope the next one brings even better names.

1.     Endurance Abinuwa. It’s even funnier that she is a runner; I wouldn’t like my chances running against her.

2.     Rusian Albegov from Russia. I believe his mothers name was Original.

3.     Aleksandra Aleksandrov is not only a male rower from Azerbaijan but also a male boxer from Bulgaria. What are the chances?

4.     There are an astounding 21 athletes with the surname ‘Chen’ from China alone.

5.     20 athletes with the surname Wang.

6.     17 Jungs and 9 Lee’s in South Korea alone. The phone book must be confusing.

7.     Taiwan claims 15 Changs while table tennis has 7 Lee’s.

8.     I know Ning Ding from china had trouble at school.

9.     Definitely the most apt for their sport is Equestrian rider Rich Fellas.

10. The eternally confused Mexican athlete German Sanchez Sanchez.

11. Mark Anthony from Oz and Chris Brown from the Bahamas’ are now trying their hand at the Olympics.

12. Unfortunate…plain and simple: Destinee Hooker and Brent Newdick.

13. Yuu Suk Kim probably suffers from self-esteem issues.

14. The most surprising name to come out of Australia being Miao Miao

15. The gold medal for the athlete with the longest name goes to 

    ‘Aleksandra J Klejnowska-Krzywanska’.

16. Yoshi Takeshita – I’m still laughing at this one.

17. And lastly my personal favourite Indonesian weightlifter ‘Deni’ just rolls with one name. Hey if Madonna, Prince and Ronaldo can do why cant Deni?

Please add the ones you loved, I am sure I have missed a few greats.

Till the next Olympics

Yours truly,

Stu

The Olympics – To your average Joe or Stu.

I have to admit it’s really hard not to get ‘the fever’ with the Olympics on, and it is an excuse for anything really including a slightly less productive day at work? Just saying. I have enjoyed the Olympic drinking games too [who doesn’t love drinking games] by making drinking rules for each event, I subsequently came home wrecked after the opening match due to not knowing a couple for countries existed (3 fingers of your drink) and no I am not embarrassed as I think a large percentage of the world didn’t either, I’m just honest enough to own up... even on a public sphere.

 I felt it would be a crime against my blog if I didn’t mention it so in the spirit of the Olympics I figure I shall try set a top score or ‘most views’ goal for myself and in lieu of previous posts it seems that the posts most liked where either in point form or pictures [Says a lot about the people reading my blog – YES!]

So here is my breakdown of the Olympics, in point form – for the viewer who doesn’t care too much about them, only enjoys the finals, only watches the short events and is perhaps as confused as I am with a lot of the rules:

The Olympics – To your average Joe or Stu.

1.     Synchronised diving – couldn’t confuse me more, how can such gorgeous men do such a queer sport. But a round of applause to the outfit designers and from me personally a huge thank you for the small Speedo’s, made for good TV.

2.     Men’s Gymnastics – Hot bodies no doubt but again I find it a strange choice of sport for a man, especially the floorshow.

3.     Woman’s gymnastics – I mean girls gymnastics. What’s next…Tandem toddler canoeing?

4.     Swimming – I couldn’t be happier with the South Africans two gold medals thus far but is it absolutely necessary to have so many heats? I feel like it’s all I have watched. Get cut throat with them, your taking up too many channels.

5.     Judo – Didn’t even know it was an Olympic sport (don’t judge me). Its beyond average, my thoughts are if you are going to insist on keeping judo – perhaps change it to cage fighting. Way more exciting. Nothing says ‘Olympic spirit’ quite like grounding and pounding a fellow ‘Olympians’ face into the floor.

6.     Shooting – seriously?? And surely South Africa could be involved in this somehow?

7.     Girls soccer – Now I am all for the age old debate of ‘whatever a man can do – girls can do as well', but for me…leave soccer to the men ladies – your doing yourselves no favours.

8.     Handball – Now I always thought that it was a game I played during break at school with a tennis ball. How wrong was I, I love the viciousness of it all and those guys and girls are tough as nails! Just a thought – allow elbow shots – viewership would surely improve.

9.     Woman’s weight lifting – have loved watching it this week, truly - but ladies, for your own sake and your countries…wear some more make-up or pad your bra a bit. There were a few moments, no many many moments where I had a double take. All that said… You girls (??) got game!

   10. Fencing – By far my least favourite, and how is it that fencing is an actual sport? Really?!?! At least let them wear less padding, there needs to be something at stake here.

Even though I wasn’t an overly sporty kid, it would be all kinds of awesome to win a gold medal so in my defence … I chose boobs, and a social life over a gold medal.

Till the next event …

Yours Truly:

Olympic Stu

You go boy!